“Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied.”

My dear friend whom I lost touch with called me recently and after an hour plus of talk about our lives, she told me she is in an abusive relationship. Since we usually joke around with her, I thought it was a joke (but who would joke about something that serious), until she broke down and all she could do was try to tell me bravely what she has been enduring.

I was so shocked at this girl whom I admired for her outspokenness, outgoing character, charm and even beauty. I did not understand how she could be a victim, and neither could she. She did not know how to tell us (Her friends) that she was part of the statistics. Her shame made her wallow in sadness, desperation, and destitution. My heart broke 10 times, over and over again as she described how he scarred her pretty face, almost broke her jaw and recently almost kill her by putting a pillow over her face.

I asked my parents how to go about this desperate situation, all they could say is that I should not interfere with other peoples’ lives. My heart broke again, then that was when it hit me. We are the problem too. That is how these excuses of men have gotten away with it. We give them the free-pass to hit and kill our sisters, mothers and friends. By staying silent and not standing by our neighbor who keeps yelling night after night, our workmate who wears heavier make-up or bulky weaves to hide the scars of what we have dubbed as “Shame”.

I am stuck in a rut as I try to figure out how to help my friend. She is currently away from that monster, but she might go back like she has in the past. I pray that doesn’t happen. But if she does, I pray to God that he doesn’t kill her.

So if you hear cries behind a door, please break down that door and save our sisters –in-love.

Let us be the change we desire.





Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend... Lost in this glory called life.

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